I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
