You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
