Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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