her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
