My pussy is not your playground.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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