no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
