her vagine was all disorganized.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
