There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
