There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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