i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
