Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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