But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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