So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
