Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
