I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
