I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
