Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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