So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
