margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
