you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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