I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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