dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
