i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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