And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
