I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
