Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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