We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we have officially lost it.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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