Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
