redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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