I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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