Sry I called you an 8
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
