Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your cock deserves a montage
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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