Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
