i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
