I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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