If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
