Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
