i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ok first of all what the fuck
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
