he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
His nipple licking is glorious
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