I will die if light touches me.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you win again, gameday.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
