The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
