nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
