Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
