Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
