I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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