i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
