just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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