I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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