I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
