69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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