Acid is not a monday night drug
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
